How the Coach Won My Heart - Part 5

Finally.

I know you've been waiting for, oh, a month or so.

Just seemed like I should include something here. All of this talk about how the Coach met with my dad for 8 months. Didn't you wonder, at all, what they talked about? And didn't you wonder, if you know the Coach and my daddy, if they talked at all? (hee hee)

So before we go on with the soon-to-come courtship (just to peak your interest), here's a something to satisfy your curiosity.

No, it's not funny.

Yes, this is serious.

And for those of us who have daughters (I have FOUR of them!), it certainly gets me on my knees. How many guys would have SURVIVED this? I'm so glad my Coach did.

Meet my Dad:

"My main goal in meeting with the Coach was to get to know him. Lots of what we talked about was what he was reading in the Bible, what scripture he was memorizing, and what he was doing with his family. He had a younger sister so I was particularly interested in how he treated her and what activities he was doing with her.We met for over 8 months, every week, for breakfast.

"I learned these things while meeting with the Coach. He was patient. He had goals. He was moving toward those goals. He had a regular quiet time with God. He had a job - direction in life. He had a second job in the summer - diligent. He was an early riser. He was consistent. He was punctual. He memorized Scripture. He loved his parents and followed the direction his parents gave. He was thrifty - saved money, no debt. He had a budget. He was family oriented - spent time with younger sister, older brothers/sister. He was able to work for his father! He was able to coach with his brother. He wasn't materially oriented - had a spiritual view of "things." He had good manners. He was respectful to me. He had the respect of others.

These things cannot be determined just by a list of questions. You need to spend time with someone to answer.


A part of every meeting with the Coach were three questions - with some follow-up questions:
1. How are you doing in your relationship with the Lord?
Are you reading the Bible daily?
Are you memorizing Scripture?
Are you recording what God is saying to you?
Are you attending worship?


2. How are you doing with your thought and actions?
Have you made a covenant with your eyes (Job 31:1,2)
Any problems remaining faithful to your covenant?
Are you having any problems with your thought life?
Any problems with physical purity?


3. How is your relationship with your family?
Any problems or disagreements with parents?
How did you resolve it?
Do they wish you could/would do anything differently?
Any relationship difficulties with siblings?
How were they resolved?
Have you been able to spend time with your family?
Would they like for you to arrange to spend more time with them?


"In addition, I asked the Coach the following questions (that Mother helped me write), and we discussed them. Usually one question per meeting. I tried to be prepared to open the Word with him so we could see what God said about each question. Sometimes a question continued for several meetings because of the Scripture study involved or because a decision had not been finalized in this area.

1. What is your direction in life?
2. How much money do you make?
3. What do you see as your ministry?
4. How much Scripture have you memorized?
5. Have you been to the Basic Seminar?
6. Have you made the seventeen basic commitments from the Basic Seminar?
7. What is your motivational gift?
8. What are your views on children/birth control?
9. What standards are you committed to? music, TV, alcohol, movies,dancing, playing cards
10. How important are sports in your life? (He is a coach. :-)
11. What do you do in your "free" time?
12. Do you know how to give comfort?
13. Are you committed to this marriage until death?
14. What are the needs of a wife?
15. What are the goals that you have before you get married?
16. What will be the goals of your courtship time (spiritual,intellectual, emotional, physical)?
17. What are your primary goals after you get married?
18. How do you plan on being the spiritual leader of your family?
19. What fears and concerns do you have about marriage?


There are lots of follow-up questions for discussion with each of these.
For instance with #2.
Do you tithe?
Do you save money?
A percentage or what is left over?
Do you have a budget? Why? Why not.
Do you actually follow it?
How do you make decisions about purchases?
Are you debt free?
Are you committed to getting out of debt and/or staying out of debt?
Can you live on one salary?
Do you intend for your future wife to continue to work?
Does your future financial plans require her to work?
If buying a house with a mortgage, does it require both salaries for qualification?"

"I think that the primary goal of any father should be to protect his daughter’s heart. Therefore, I didn’t want the Coach to “win her heart” until I was sure [Mother] and I would approve of him as a husband! After 7 months of meeting, I felt comfortable with him and began to proceed with allowing him to win her heart. There were many things that convinced me that was the next step. He had a heart for the Lord. He was conservative, politically and theologically. He was well mannered. His education was complete. He had a job and knew what he wanted to do for the foreseeable future. He had money in savings. He was thrifty. He was a hard worker. And finally, his goal was to court, win her heart, and marry her if she would have him. It wasn’t just “I want to get to know her and then we’ll see.” That was where he was in the beginning, but when I gave him permission to win her heart, his goal was to marry her."

Thanks, Dad!

This gives you an idea (it's me, again) of what went on those eight months. They were busy! And the Coach was thinking through his entire belief system, life goals, plans, etc.

As you can see from all of this, I am a very blessed daughter and wife. You can imagine what an amazing man I am married to, now. I love him more each day.

But I'm getting ahead of myself!