It's the day after Mother's Day. There were kids to get off to school with bleary eyes, lunches to make, school clothes to find, shoes that were illusive, and sharp words between kids. There is laundry to fold and I lost track of how many shirts to iron and dinner... they'll be wanting that, too. There was a workout in the rain and Weight Watchers (I hate that scale) and even after a week of good choices and extra hard work... a non-loss.
Time to be honest. I'm having a hard time finding my gratefulness these last few days. Maybe it's the end of the school year. Maybe it's hormones (although I don't recommend you suggesting that to me unless you duck afterwards). Maybe it's simple exhaustion or a calendar that is almost ineligible with things to do and be done. Maybe it's the long term effect of broken relationships and intentional pain and hurt that doesn't stop.
Maybe it's the reality of SO MUCH CHANGE that's coming to the troops. Maybe it's a busy, preoccupied, overwhelmed Coach. Maybe it's that my son is leaving in the Fall or that 5 mission trips loom on the horizon or that Summer seems less relaxing and more exhausting each and every year. More teens. More jobs. More trips. More camps.
I don't like busy. I certainly don't like the glorification of busy. As if the busiest wins a prize.
I'm not in the race. Because in that race? Everyone loses. Unlike Weight Watchers. Ha.
And I have eversomuch to be grateful for this morning. I do.
Sweet kids. Loving Coach. Precious cards with sweet words and crayoned pictures... a movie/dinner date on Saturday (Captain America and Pei Wei)... a new label maker and phone case and Starbucks with my biggest girl. An encouraging message at church, brunch with family and my precious Mom and Grandma, even a short nap.
So why do I feel so... cranky?
Mother's Day isn't my favorite. I do so much WRONG and fail in so many ways, the last thing I want is to draw attention to my mothering. Because we all know having the babies is the easy part. Even if that's not easy.
I even told the Coach that Mother's Day shouldn't be on Sunday. I mean really. Sunday? Come on! As if getting kids to church and getting oneself presentable (And applying enough make up that no one says, "Are you OK? You look tired." Thanks.) and figuring out lunch for 10 and homework and laundry and lists for another school week aren't enough?
He said, "So what day should it be?" with his "you are amusing me" grin. Touche'.
It makes me uncomfortable when kids say, "You're the best mom ever" - even though it's sweet. Because I'm not. Lord knows. The kids know, too. But they're kind enough to say it, anyway. When your mom has a "moment" (Have you seen "Mom's Night Out"? Ha!) ON Mother's Day AFTER sweet gifts and loving kids and an extremely thoughtful kind Coach? Because the laundry is everywhere and no one closes cabinets or drawers and there are shoes all over the floor. Floors. And backpacks and books and cups of Sweet Tea and all everyone wants is for me to log on to my iPad or phone for them so they can play games and run the battery down so I can't read at bedtime?
See what I mean?
So today? I'm choosing grateful. I'm choosing to remember that no matter WHAT the mess, be it household or heart - there is enough grace. Because I belong to Jesus and HE is enough. Even for Mom moments and cranky attitudes (mine) and messy kids and imperfect bodies and houses, busy calendars and tight budgets.
HE is enough.
And no matter how many other things I have to be grateful for? That one wins. Every time.
Thank you, Jesus.
If you don't hear from me for awhile? I'll be in my closet hiding from the kids with my freshly charged iPad. So there.