I can't sleep, again.
Either the barista at Starbucks on our quick coffee run/date night messed up and failed to give me decaf?
Or I forgot to take a Benadryl at bedtime?
Or maybe both.
I've prayed through my list. Twice. Thankful for that.
And here I sit. Mind and heart full of so many things that keep me from sleep.
With the alarm clock set for 0 dark 30 and our weekly Sunday morning "long" run. Time is ticking and sleep is illusive and to be honest? I want to eat cereal with milk.
Just telling it like it is.
You know what I keep thinking? It's completely OK if you couldn't care less. . . because to be honest, I write this blog for little ole me. I do. Mostly because I have the world's worst memory (I blame the 9 pregnancies for that - and in some instances, I think it's just grace - because who wants to remember all of the bad?) and I do NOT want to forget this.
Life. Like it is right now.
Yes, it's mostly the laundry and the food and the dishes and messes and practices and games and homework that we spend our time on.
But there is a lot of laughter and silliness and tears and hard things, too. Learning to live together and forgive each other and be kind. For goodness sake - sometimes it's SO hard to be kind.
I don't want to forget it.
I don't want to forget that the Coach? He is amazing. He is patient. Loving. Faithful. Kind. A seeker after Christ. Smart. Handsome (I won't forget that one.). He LOVES me. I have no idea WHY, but he does. I don't want to forget these years doing life with him and raising these kids and sneaking off to get coffee (even if they forget to give me decaf, forheavenssake) and folding laundry during Saturday football games on TV and going for early Sunday morning runs in the dark. I don't want to forget watching him on the sidelines at Friday night football games and seeing him bent over math homework with our kids in the evenings.
I don't want to forget that right now Son (#1) is off on the adventure of a lifetime. That his emails and texts and Facebook posts make me cry because I am SO HAPPY that he's where he is doing what he is and following hard after Jesus. And maybe I'm praying that he won't move to Alaska someday. Unless that's what God has for him, in which case I'll have to suck it up, won't I?
I don't want to forget that Daughter (#2) is both amazingly beautiful and incredibly talented. That her team just won a volleyball tournament, today, and she came home exhausted and overwhelmed with homework and excited to go see the Phantom with Grandmother, tomorrow. That she's started on her Senior thesis and had her cap and gown pictures done. This year with her will fly by. For sure.
I don't want to forget that Son (#3) is a kind, thoughtful chauffeur these days. That he's car shopping and looking forward to his drivers license and doing SO WELL after his two surgeries last year. That he's running, again (this time last year that was only a dream!), that he's constantly making me laugh and that really, he and I shouldn't sit next to one another at the dinner table because sometimes I can't stop laughing and I snort. Sometimes.
I don't want to forget how much Son (#4) has grown this year. That he's way taller than his momma. That he cringes when I mention a hair cut and he's both strong and athletic. And smart. He might possibly drive me crazy before he's a grown man, but I love him dearly. As well as his grin. And his orneriness. He's completely in heaven because it's FOOTBALL SEASON! Woohoo!
I don't want to forget that this is Daughter's (#5) 7th grade year. Junior high! How is is possible that my tiny "Boo" is in Junior high? Lockers and changing classes and volleyball and tons of homework and she's handling it beautifully. She's quiet and sarcastic and has a spark that makes up for how petite she is. And she hasn't gotten run over, yet, in the halls with the big kids. So that's a relief.
I don't want to EVER forget that Daughter (#6) is thriving in life and in school (because we have experienced the flip side). She's a good friend. She's blunt and sometimes loud (OK, most of the time - but we'd be bored without her!), she says what she thinks and you never have to wonder how she feels about something. But she also works the hardest and helps the most and I'd never make it through all of the grocery shopping without her.
I don't want to forget how happy Daughter (#7) is 99.9% of the time. That she sleeps hard and wakes up early (almost always before the rest of us) and goes full speed all day long. She sings, she loves Mandisa, she has lots of sweet friends and she's still "little girl" enough to care less about clothes and makeup and more about playing school and office in the sunroom. Thank heavens for that.
I don't want to forget that right now, Little Man is both a delight and a joy and OH MY HEAVENS what would our family be without him? He still gets excited about icees and bugs and painting and kids meals and learning new words and we'd be ever so bored if he weren't constantly creating things and doing "projects" (that means messes). His big brown eyes and his smile can light up the room. He truly makes our troops complete.
So see? Sometimes I need to have insomnia so I can remember how blessed I am. How precious these days are. How much I love my people. My troops. How they are RIGHT THIS MOMENT because they will grow and change tomorrow and I don't want to forget.
My bed is calling. Even if I can't sleep, I can pray through my list, again, and listen to my Coach breathe next to me and thank the Lord for all of these gifts. I don't deserve any of it. Especially His grace. But OH how grateful I am for it all.