The pace is different. We do a lot lot less in many ways - activities, events, parties... we just opt out and stay home most of the time. Then we do a lot more in other ways... doctors appointments, treatments, labs, meds.
It's so different from our lives six months ago.
I told the Coach last night that I find myself forcing certain thoughts to the back of my mind without even realizing it. I can't keep going if I let those creep in. But then something will happen and all of a sudden they are all there again, and it's almost unbearable.
This is our normal here. We are getting used to the pace and the medical issues and our handsome son/brother and his amazing strength and heart. He's ours and we are so proud. But then someone else sees him for the first time in a few weeks, or says something (even kind), or asks a question (which is completely fine!) and we are pulled back to the shock of it all. How horrible and sad it all is.
We don't live there every moment of every day. But sometimes it hits with overwhelming waves.
Most days? There is a lot of joy and laughter. Sweet friends and family stopping by or sitting with us at treatments. Movies and fruit smoothies and popcorn and more laughing. Laughter is a gift. It reminds us that even in the worst heartache, there can still be JOY.
We don't know how to do this. It's a new challenge every day and we find ourselves with the rug pulled out from under us again and again.
So we've been hanging hard onto Romans 8:18, "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time not worthy with the which shall be revealed in us."
Great suffering, great glory.
I don't understand how it works. I don't understand WHY the suffering. But I hang onto that great glory for my boy.
God promises us that the suffering cannot compare to the GLORY. Oh Lord be glorified in us.
Some days I'd trade that glory for relief. For no more suffering. But that's not the choice we have in front of us. So we choose over and over again to submit to this trial. To ask for the grace for today. The mercy to endure. And that God will use it all for His glory.
Thank you all so very much for your continuing prayers. I know that prayer is the hardest work in this. Having you stand with us is an amazing overwhelming gift. I can't adequately thank you for that.
Thank you also for the meals, the cards, the messages, the LOVE you've showered us with. It softens the heart ache on the days we don't think we can bear it any more.
We are so thankful that our boy was able to attend baccalaureate last week. A hard and beautiful blessing for our troops.
Happy Mother's Day from our troops to yours. With our love.