Sharing Comfort

We've all seen them.  The articles about what NOT to say to someone in a difficult circumstance.  They can be helpful.  We should weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.  We need to be thoughtful about this and show empathy.

But these articles kind of annoy me, too.  Can't we just assume that people are doing their best?  That maybe they don't know WHAT to say?  I've been there, myself.  And we had friends who completely disappeared when our boy got sick.  It's OK.  I understand.  I hope I'm not quick to assume malice.  Whether someone tries and fails to be compassionate or doesn't try at all... I hope I can offer grace.  I've needed it so often, myself.

Even now, we're not able to do hospital visits quite yet.  I hope someday we can, again.  But right now it's just too hard.  I need those that I love to extend grace to us for that.  We are still healing in so many places.  It doesn't seem to happen on my timeline.

Sometimes our tendency can be to try to "out do" someone's suffering.  In my case, I've had people comment that their situation is hard, but having a kid with cancer  (like me) is harder.  Even hesitating to confide in me, because they feel like their difficulty isn't important enough. 

Or in the reverse, I've had others say, well, your son has cancer, but at least it's not ___.  And trust me, I'm aware that there are MUCH harder things.

But both perspectives make me cringe. 

It's not a competition, is it?  Your hard versus my hard?  Which is worse? 

Yikes.

Our suffering here on earth counts for something.  I think we all long to know this.  That our suffering isn't in vain and it has value in eternity. Some losses can't be redeemed this side of heaven.  How my heart ACHES for my son's suffering to be redeemed.  For his losses to be restored.  For the ashes of his dreams for the future to be turned to beauty.  Our human hearts need to know that redemption is possible.  And because of Jesus, it is.

Hope is not found in having people understand our suffering or offer us comfort in the way we'd like it to be offered.  We're all human.  Let's extend grace and trust that everyone is trying in their own way.  You know who DOES understand all of our suffering?  Not your BFF (and I have some amazing friends!), your spouse, your kids, your pastor... JESUS.  He's endured ALL things.  ALL.  Go to Him for the comfort you long for and then turn and extend grace to everyone else.

Hope is not found in our circumstances HERE... it's that these earthly sufferings will pale in comparison to the heavenly GLORY for all of eternity.  Wow!

Do I want my son to be healed?  Of course.  Do we give God the glory for each and every healthy day we have together?  Absolutely.  But no matter what the future holds, God is still good and God is still faithful.  Because we have that eternal hope of glory. 

I needed the reminder today, to show compassion and empathy and tenderness to those around me.  Maybe even more so over the Christmas season.  Everyone is carrying a burden of some sort.  You can count on it.

We've found God sufficient in our suffering at the troops.  I can say with confidence that He will be sufficient in your trials, as well.  No matter what they are.  No matter whose hard is harder.

And I'm just saying, if it comes down to how much laundry you have and how tired you are?  I'm going to win that one.  Haha!

"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ."

Every Day a Gift

We've been trying to find a balance here lately, between celebrating ALL THE THINGS and doing ALL THE THINGS and not completely exhausting ourselves. I don't think we've succeeded.  But when you have to deal with the reality of a serious medical diagnosis, you can't help but want to make every day a celebration of the gift of life.  The gift of family.  The gift of people and health and love and beauty.  

On the one hand, I can't tell the kids, no we don't have the time or energy for that right now.  Because I know life can change in ONE second.  But on the other hand, we're tired.

Volleyball was fast and furious and was over in two seconds.  Football season (glory be!) is still going.  We're deep into the playoffs this week and the Coach is eating sleeping breathing film, defensive schemes and practices.  We love our football at the troops and we adore our senior wide receiver even more.  But the Coach is my favorite and it's been a delight to see his success.  

Basketball has begun for the younger four and I'm so very thankful the older two girls can get themselves to and from practice and scrimmages and I just have the 8th grade and 5th grade games to figure out.  Once football is over, I'll have more help from the Coach, but he's swamped right now.

Even though three college kids (one graduating in two weeks!), a wedding in January, a highschool senior, two more highschool girls, a jr high girl and a fifth grader - along with another college graduation coming in May -  keep us pretty busy, the Coach just went back to school, as well.  (Can you hear my laughter?)  He's begun work on his masters degree.  It's needed to happen for way too long and we decided now is the time.  I'm already (5 weeks in! Ha!) telling myself, "It's only 22 months.  It's only 22 months."  I very much want to help and support him in anyway I can.  So that means helping out with things he usually manages so capably.  

In the midst of it all, the continuing treatments for our boy (about nine months to go!), ongoing tests and doctor's appointments, his involvement in school and plays (so fun!), along with the busy holiday schedules and so much planning to do for the coming weeks...

The Lord is our Rock.  He is our helper, our defender, our strength and the GOOD that we enjoy in each day.  Every bit of THIS.  The beauty and the hard... they are all HIS GOOD GIFTS. 

And rest is a gift, as well.  We're still learning how to make that work.  To be thankful for each day and see it as a gift... we've learned a lot, but we still have so much to learn.  God is so patient with us.  His love endures forever.  No matter what tomorrow holds, we don't have to walk through it without the grace and strength of the Lord.