Two Years

Sunday, January 27th, was the 2 year anniversary of our son's cancer diagnosis - on homecoming night at our school.  It wasn't sure last year that I would even GO to homecoming, the memories are excruciating.  But I did.  And I went this year, too.  These are huge milestones for us, but they also bring back so many difficult emotions and losses.

Life is HARD, ya'll.  So hard.  But the hard we've had this last two years, especially, has made me so very AWARE of the beautiful and the lovely and the special.  It's given me the gift of appreciating normal, boring days... and time with my people.

Our troops experienced one of those beautiful gifts in our son's wedding on January 6th.  It was lovely and intentional and worshipful and precious.  To see him and his beautiful bride so happy, to rejoice in God's provision, and to be thankful for how we LOVE her and are so thankful for God's providential hand in their relationship.  So many good gifts.

I cried the whole day.  They weren't sad tears - they were grateful tears.  When you know that this life is so short - that at any moment it can all change - that every day together is a gift - then these moments, sharing their special day and having ALL of of my troops there with us, it was overwhelming.  I know we aren't promised those moments.  I treasure them.

So Son #1 is off with his beautiful wife in SC, starting his first, post-degree, real life JOB.  Daughter #2 just started her last semester of nursing school and took an offer for her dream job, post-graduation.  Son #3 is trucking along with his chemo (two years of chemo - so awful, but God has been so very good to him) and started back to finish off his Sophomore semester.  Son #4 finished up his senior season of football and is hitting the 3's on the court like a boss - college visits and summer plans.  The three girls are playing basketball and tackling the tons of homework - so so busy. These high school years FLY and we are trying so hard to enjoy them.  Little Man?  Well, he's still the adult of the house - playing basketball and moving through 5th grade like a pro.

Two years of cancer treatment added onto LIFE and parenting and the daily grind has been exhausting.  We are weary.  Some weeks I can't believe we've kept going this long.  Other weeks it seems like it's all OK.  I guess it's both.  It WILL all be OK - even if not this side of heaven.

I'm more aware than ever how little control we have over our lives.  I set out to change some bad habits that have formed in the last two years (Diet DP anyone?) a few weeks ago.  I'm not much for New Years resolutions, but I have felt that conviction to get back at it, lately.  February resolutions, maybe?  More purposeful time in the Word, praying daily for my coach, eating less refined sugar, drinking more water, deleted Facebook off my phone... you know.  The usual.

So far the only success I've had has been with giving up Diet DP.  At least it's going well, today.  As for the other things?  Well, we all got sick.  Sinus infections, colds, and a few random low fevers that resolved on their own.

Do you ever feel that way?  That as soon as you set out to work harder and do better... life lays you out flat. Like life has a way of saying, "Oh really?"  I'm determined to not let it get me down.  Each day I have another opportunity to tackle better habits and feel their consequences AND benefits.  Sometimes I'd rather just do the easy thing.  Honestly MOST of the time I'd rather do the easy thing.  But after TWO years of just sort of surviving, I'm paying for it.  And it's time.

So each day?  Is a gift with the people you love.  Full of normal life and special moments and JOY.  And each day is also an opportunity to take care of ourselves and those we love.  Knowing fully that we don't control much.  But even that is a gift, isn't it?  GOD, Sovereign and full of Grace.

I pray every chemo week, "Come Lord, Jesus."  But as long as I'm here, I will purpose to trust Him for all of it.  And be thankful that HE is in control.  So thankful.  And pass the tissues.  ((sniff))

I've anchored my soul on this for the last two years...

Romans 8:35-39
Who shall separate us from the LOVE of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?
As it is written, For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.
No, IN ALL THESE THINGS we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I AM SURE that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, not ANYTHING ELSE in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

And THAT, my friend, includes whatever you are facing today.  Whatever it is?  NONE of it will change God's LOVE for you.  He's in control, He loves you, and you can trust Him.