I snuck outside this afternoon to sit in the last few rays of sunshine on the back deck, before the sun dropped behind the trees. The weather is perfect today. Sunshine and blue skies and 64 degrees. Such a contrast to last week, when we had inches of fluffy snow! A perfect day to throw open the windows and vacuum the house... after having puny kids for a week or so. Or maybe a month. It's all running together at this point.
We've never had such a quiet, slow-paced week before Christmas. I feel sure I'm missing something. I've never had time to just sit and watch a movie (or 4 seasons of Grey's Anatomy - don't ask. :-/). I've made Christmas goodies TWICE. Turns out making them a week before Christmas when everyone is home all day long? Means they are eaten in two days. And it's still not Christmas.
All of the gifts are bought and wrapped and only one thing hasn't come, yet. What IS this Christmas calm? I don't recognize it. I feel ill at ease and anxious because WHAT AM I MISSING? When the troops were all tiny, the Coach I spent our anniversary shopping and wrapped everything on December 23rd. Those were the days. Not to mention that one year when Son #3 was a baby and the washer water line burst in the middle of night/early Christmas morning and our kitchen flooded. Or the year we SLID all the way to Edmond to family Christmas. Or the many, many years when Daughter #2 was sick on Christmas. It was definitely her "thing."
So I AM missing a few things...
12-15 basketball games every week, including Saturdays - for years on end. We just have ONE basketball player this year. And Jr. High basketball, when he's only suiting up every other game? Pretty chill.
Christmas Parties and Banquets. So strange that we haven't dressed up one time. I'm not even sure where my real pants are, at this point. Not to mention, after wearing leggings and joggers for so long (and doing so much cooking and baking), I'm fairly confident my real pants won't even fit. No school program (no kids in elementary any more), no kids in choir or band, no company banquet. When you add it all up? It's a lot of evenings at home, compared to years past. So strange.
Dentist, orthodontist, dermatologist appointments, etc. etc. Because is this age of COVID, no one wants you to come near their office, if anyone in your house isn't well. Covid or not. So strange. And this one in particular is going to catch up with us after the holidays, for sure. Because school vacations are the time to get all of the doctor's appointments done!
Chemo, Labs, Scans, and Prescription refills. It's somewhat eye opening to realize how much of my life I've spent doing all of those things the last 3 1/2 years. There's a huge surplus of time in that area that I didn't realize I was missing. It's bizarre. And wonderful. My heart is overflowing with thankfulness this Christmas for healthy kids.
Time with Extended Family. Ugh. Thanksgiving was canceled. We DID enjoy time with just our troops - so very much. But we miss our big family, too. Christmas? Looks different this year, too. Our first Christmas without Papa here. And it will be different in so many other ways, as well.
So maybe there is something behind all of the extra time? The feeling more "caught up" than I have in awhile, the feeling that something is missing? Some of the things that we are missing are kind of nice. Others are sad. But never before has there been a better opportunity to be grateful in all things. To rejoice in celebration of the birth of our Savior. A greater realization of our NEED for redemption will hopefully lead to a greater thankfulness and deeper love for Christ and others.
This Christmas may look different at your house, too. But God is the same yesterday, today, and forever and HE will never leave you or forsake you. He is faithful. Always.
Merry Christmas from our Troops to yours.
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