Monday, September 30, 2013

Oh. Fall.

There is a cool crisp bite to the air this morning.  I almost didn't even notice until my mom said something about it on the way to our boot camp workout.

I feel like I've been missing a lot, lately.

What happened to the me that used to enjoy pansies and pumpkins and write things about how lovely fall is and how it's when the Coach and I fell in love?

It IS lovely.

We DID fall in love.

But last Fall?

A blur.

And this one so far?

Also a blur.

I wonder sometimes.  How to stop and enjoy when there is so much to do?  How to slow down long enough to notice the cool air?

I used to.

Lately?  Not so much.

Because last Fall?  I had a sick girl who I attended school with for two weeks and then pulled out to home school all while going to doctor's appointments and having various tests run and getting virtually no sleep while she cried on the floor by my bed every night.

And this Fall?  There was surgery and recovery and now therapy (for Son #3). . . along with eight kids in school and a VERY busy Coach and all of the kids sports schedules.

Do I miss the beauty of the moment just because I'm tired?

Or do I even care what season it is when there is laundry to do and fold and meals to plan and cook and carpet that (once again) desperately needs vacuuming and there was a day when I actually trained for 1/2 marathons and. . .

Where is that girl?

Where did she go?

When your kids are little . . . other moms tell you to enjoy it and that they won't be little long and that the days are busier when your kids get older.

Boy are they right.

I LOVE this season (life, not weather) of bigger kids and football and volleyball and discussions and dinners out (never did THAT when they were babies) and cars filling the driveway and work and friends and calculus (thank the LORD for a math teacher husband).

I love it.

But it's exhausting.

Forget time to blog.  I shouldn't be doing it, even now.

Forget anything proactive around the house.  Decorating?  Who has time.  Cleaning is my goal.  A goal that is only reached for brief moments in time.

Forget the lunches and coffee dates with girlfriends that I dreamed of.  By the time I get the kids off and my workout/run in and shower and get the laundry going and fix something for dinner and run errands. . .

It's time to leave for school.

I'm not complaining.  I'm NOT.

And I really do love it. All of it.

But I look back with fondness on that girl who loved fall and had time to plant flowers and light candles and drink chai and make muffins (I still make muffins but they don't last long).

Life is, at the same time, much HARDER than I ever anticipated. . . and also much SWEETER as the years go by.  With my Coach.  With my kids.

And I suppose everything else can wait.

Happy Monday.  Happy BEAUTIFUL COOL FALL MORNING Monday.

1 comment:

amber said...

oh, yes and YES!!! i know exactly where you're coming from with this.. the BLUR!!! and part of me loves it {i've never been a sit still kind of girl} but the other.. the part that's missing all the little things i used to notice, hates it!

sometimes i think the biggest frustration is wanting to be good at it all, ya know. the cleaning and cooking and chores - and yet good at noticing the small stuff and being intentional about making time to savor the moments too. for me the pendulum seems to go in extremes ... when my house is super clean, well, i've probably missed some moments of reading to little ones and listening to older ones. but when i'm listening and reading and frolicking in the crunchy leaves outside my house looks like a pit!!

it's all such a balance and i hate using that word but can't think of a better one. ;)

and so much more i could say on all this and would love to chat for real and hear more of your thoughts, but i know this comment is already way too long - so what i'm really trying to say is, i understand! :)

wishing you a happy, less blurry, week ahead!