Since last week's post on Growing Up, I think I've been more of a "baby" than ever. (sigh) I should know better than to DOCUMENT what the Lord is teaching me. When I do, it suddenly becomes an even greater struggle. Duh.
So the Coach is out of town for the week. And I KNOW I need to just "grow up" and do what needs to be done and be QUIET about it.
But I'd rather whine.
This morning, I took Son (#4) to get the cast off his arm. On our way back to school, thinking how I would normally be talking to the Coach and giving him a "report" on the doctors visit, I told my boys, "I miss your daddy."
Son (#4) said, "Wow, Mom. If you miss him already, how are you going to make it until Friday?"
My thoughts exactly.
I even (gasp) am letting the kids watch a "Mr. Bean" cartoon on Netflix (don't watch it, trust me on this, I can almost see their brains atrophying). Between 4-10. On a school night. PLEASE don't tell the Coach. But two of them fell asleep on the way home from school and one more almost did and the three youngest didn't have homework and they were all so tired and. . .
Just don't tell.
Anyway. Besides the fact that I don't sleep when the Coach is gone, and I miss him. . . tremendously. . . it's really not THAT bad. The kids are older. They can certainly help out a LOT. And now I have Son (#1) to make the morning drive to school. . . it's certainly WAY easier than when they were all tiny.
Except for the not-sleeping part.
And the missing part.
But I think I've figured out what the hardest part about it is. I can keep up with the kids and school and the house and laundry and meals. . . I do that whether he's here or not. Well, I sort of do them all. Some of the time.
Lately, when the Coach walks in the door and sees that the laundry hasn't been folded, or dinner is not ready, yet, he's given me a questioning look, as if to say, "Is everything OK, or did something catastrophic happen around here that I need to know about?" Not because he minds whether or not it's all done. . . but because I do. A lot. And he knows if I don't get to it, it might be for a reason. A reason that might be waiting for him in the boys room. For instance.
The busier our lives get (meaning - the older our children get!), the more frequently I DON'T get it all done in any given day. Even if kids aren't sick or I have been home all day (rare occasion, but it DOES happen). . . there often just isn't enough time in the day. And who wants to spend what time they DO have folding laundry? Right?
I'm learning to be OK with that. Learning to go to bed without the house being immaculate. Learning to leave the laundry to be folded later. Learning to have the kids pitch in and help with dinner, instead of having it all ready ahead of time before they walk in the door.
But when the Coach is gone? I panic. I start thinking I can't GET behind, because my partner is MIA. If I don't do it, it won't get done (I reason), so I go into hyper/crazymom/OCD mode. I can't relax without him here.
Maybe that's why I don't sleep.
Then again, maybe the real reason I feel like a big baby when he's gone is just because I love him so very much. Need him so desperately. Feel incomplete without him.
(maybe Son #4 has a point about Friday?)
Today? I'm going to be eversograteful that the Coach doesn't travel with his job. And I'm going to pray for my sweet friends whose husbands are gone a lot, or who parent alone EVERY DAY. Each of you have my admiration and respect. I honestly don't know how you do it. God's grace, I know.
And have I mentioned lately that I have the MOST AMAZING KIDS EVER? Because when you see your boys step up and take care of YOU? And their younger siblings? It's a good thing.
(And yes, I do realize that missing the Coach has significantly increased my use of ALL CAPS and commas. I apologize, sincerely. Get that? I APOLOGIZE!)