My heart is unusually full, tonight. . .
or the girl at Starbucks didn't hear me say, "DEcaf".
Either way, I'm awake. And since tomorrow will probably be too busy for a post (what day isn't?), I thought I'd jot down a few thoughts while waiting for sleep to arrive.
Tomorrow is my fortieth birthday. 4. 0.
I know, right?
And although I'd take my 20 year old body back ANY DAY if someone offered it, I would, in fact, rather be 40. Sags, aches, and pains in all.
Life is good.
It's not perfect, forheavenssake. If I've communicated anything on this blog in the last 6 years I would hope it would be THAT. Not. Perfect.
But oh so blessed.
Sure I'd love to be thinner, and fitter, and more organized. I'd love to be more encouraging to my kids and more supportive of my husband. I'd love to see relationships restored and those I love following hard after God. Most of all. . . I'd love to be the kind of Christ follower that my heart longs to be.
But here's the thing. I'm thinner than I was a month ago. We are working on organizing. . but honestly swimming comes first. It's Summer, after all. Every day I love my kids more and I enjoy them more. I adore my husband. A.D.O.R.E. him. I would take today - 18 something years after becoming his wife - in a second over newlywedness (as blissful as it was). We finish each other's sentences and read each other's minds and he NEEDS me. Mostly to find things. But I'll take it.
There is always ALWAYS hope in Christ for those we love. No matter the struggle, no matter the bondage. Christ is the victor, sin is conquered. I find my HOPE there every day.
And yes, most of all. Most of all I'm learning that I can only LOVE because He LOVED ME FIRST. And still. Not because of anything I've done but because of who HE IS. I'll never muster up the ability to BE what Christ made me to be. And today? I lived more fully in who I already am. . . abiding. . . than I did yesterday.
At 40, I care so much less about what anyone might think of me. Or the troops. That was certainly not the case in my 20's. I am so much more comfortable with who Christ made me to be. With letting others be who He made them to be, as well.
Every day I have little people who come out with sleepy eyes looking for a hug. I have big kids who work hard and play hard and make me laugh. We have a comfortable home that we enjoy and delight in sharing. God's abundant provision for our every need. Every day.
Kids (and their daddy) who love God and love others and care more about making HIM known.
So tomorrow? I'll miss having my parents and Son #3 here. . . but I'd rather have them in Zimbabwe pouring out God's love on His people. I've been praying for each of the troops, since birth, that God would give them a heart for missions. My prayers are being answered.
400 students came to know Christ, today. And my boy was there to witness the Holy Spirit at work.
When all else fails? There are the chickens.
(Sorry, I couldn't resist.)
Happy Early Wednesday morning to you all.
And thank you, Jesus, for "40".